I’ve escaped


It’s here. We have the flu. It’s day 7, and 3 of the 5 of us are down. The delightful, 4 year-old, middle child is the culprit. He brought it here. Although, he still feels bad enough to run my haggard, fever-ridden legs to death he is not as sick as he has been. The 5 year-old is asleep in bed with a temp of 103 that I am battling to get down. The 2 year-old baby and the middle child do not care that I feel as if my skin might fall off at any moment. Actually, the 4 year-old is insisting that he cannot walk—-anywhere.  He needs a snack -no not that snack, another one. And a drink. Wait, the baby needs something, too. All of the amidst the countless trips upstairs to wipe B’s forehead with a cool rag to get his temp down. So, when he fell asleep and I finally got the middle one settled, me and the baby came outside for some air. 

My guilt is incredible on days like these. My guilt for being a working mom. While I am here dragging myself from one room to another, there are people who also depend on me somewhere else. And I can’t meet anyone’s needs. I am trying to coax my sick boy into the car so I can run to work to get some things so I can work from home. He keeps begging me to let him stay in bed. My mind is drowning in guilt for the many things on my to do list at the office. 

This is only one example of how working moms can feel defeated. It’s days like these when our best will never ever be enough. Lord, it’s my prayer today that I never forget. That I never forget the torn feeling in my heart this morning. And that I extend the hand of grace to other moms in need of patience and help. There will come a day when my children will only need me to administer medicine And be present when they are ill. And in that time, Lord please remind my heart how much those mommas of little ones might need a little bit of light. 
Please forgive me if this one doesn’t flow. I was only able to string together two and three words at a time between carrying people to potty, and fixing juices, and taking temperatures. 
❤ Shalom
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When God gives you a big slap in your big, stupid face

Yesterday’s post was a list of silly mishaps I encountered in my day. It was nothing truly out of the ordinary- minus the fire trucks. I insensitively mentioned the neighbor’s house catching ablaze as just one more obstacle in my already crazy day. 

Today I was traveling down the same street listening to my praise and worship music unaware of the great number of things happening around me. I was still completely wrapped up in myself and finding my way from point A to point B. As I passed the neighbor’s house, he was standing out front. The look of heartbreak and defeat sent my heart deep into my stomach. There stood that man: alone, assessing what was left of his only worldly belongings. I am so small. 

You see I have watched this man for months. He is different than me. He is different in a way that made me uncomfortable at times with his strange lifestyle. I knew him. I didn’t know his name. But I knew he had little. I had suspicions that he had battles, and I was certain he had little by way of necessary items. And yesterday, while -what I assume- his only worldly belongings were engulfed in flames, I was worried about how I was going to get home and where I had stuffed the karate coupon. 

As I passed his gaunt body today, it struck me. He is the child of God. The same God that breathes life into him, breathes life into me. And while his world was burning, I didn’t even think to help. To be honest, he didn’t even cross my mind. No matter how questionable his life choices may be, I am called to show him love and grace. And all I could muster was placing him on the list of inconveniences I encountered in my day. 

Today I am thankful for a God that continues to pursue me, even when quite frankly, I don’t deserve it. And I am humbled to know how small I am in the grand scheme, yet motivated by the daily opportunities He gives me to do better, be better, and carry the light. I am also grateful that He loved me enough to smack my big, stupid face today and wake me up, out of my self-absorbed coma. There are many days when it is truly all I can do to get through the day. However, I am called. He has a job for me to do. Some days it is inside of my family. Some days it is not. I have to be able to see the difference. I have to step out of myself. My days are wild and whacky, this is certain. But that is no excuse for complacency in Christianity. We are responsible. Love to you all. 
❤ Shalom