This advent season I realized something. I stifle Christmas. I’m not a grinch. I don’t loathe the season, but I have never embraced all of its glory. I put up a tree and place a single wreath on the door. I buy gifts, am thankful for Christ, and attend the beautiful church service on Christmas Eve. I gather with family as so many others do. But that is kind of where it stops.
As the child of divorced parents, holidays are hard. And for reasons that go beyond that, holidays are hard. They bring about a level of anxiety, an anticipation of chaos, guilt, worry, and dysfunction. I can feel myself worrying and anticipating the worst, long before it ever gets here.
This year is different. I realized that by stifling Christmas and all of its beauty, I am perpetuating the exact negative feelings toward holidays that I developed as a child. I’ve always been committed to giving my children a different childhood than my own. And we work very hard for that. But if I’m skimping on my Christmas spirit because of the negative feelings I associate with holidays, I’m short-changing the kids. I’m skipping the magical part. I’m just doing the legalistic part. And dang it, the magic, the spirit, Christ, those are the best and most important parts.
And this is where it stops. I am burying my fears, the past, and my anxiety. I went to the Dollar Store and bought tons of cheap decorations. We are listening to Christmas music every single day. We are lighting candles at night. We are talking about the wonderful gift we were given in Christ! It is so freeing to know that I am in charge of the feelings I feel toward holidays. I am also in charge of the feelings my children will associate with holidays from this point on. I have a beautiful family -Beautiful siblings, parents, in-laws, and children. I am making the memories. And my children will hopefully one day feel the warmth associated with the beautiful Gift we celebrate this season when they think of Christmas. I’m doing it big from now on people. No holding back. The birth of Christ is our gift of all things good. And this year, I’ll be celebrating God’s grace with bells on.
❤️ Shalom
Love!