Life is hard. Parenting is hard. Keeping up with bills, work, and ball games -all very hard. We live in a demanding world. And almost always there just isn’t enough. I feel daily like there isn’t enough time. I’m not patient enough. The house isn’t clean enough. We didn’t read enough. My children don’t eat healthy enough. The list goes on and on and starts over again every morning when my eyes open. I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. Because my guess is that no matter your current situation, you can identify with me.
I have my ace card though. I am one of those people. I am one of those people who rock out to praise and worship music. Yep. It’s out there. I said it. In my car, in my house, at my desk, wherever and whenever I can get it, I listen to it – loudly. A dear friend introduced my husband to Toby Mac at one of the harder times in his life. He embraced it and came to love it. I was a skeptic and kept my distance.
As I entered to this stage in life (adulthood) where I felt as if I lived in defeat, this was His answer. You see, as a working mom time is sparse. I must be very deliberate with every hour. As much as I adore church, it’s hard right now. With infants, it’s impossible with nap time. With children, after spending all week away from my babies, it’s so hard to hand them off for three precious hours to a nursery attendant. Then there is cleaning my house and the grocery. What about a few precious hours with my grandmother before my children turn into trolls because it is nap time? Again, I love my church and especially my church family. But time for formal worship is let’s face it- hard.
Praise and worship music feeds my soul. I need you to know that I listen to this not because I am perfect and well or even a remotely “good” Christian, but because I am struggling, and I need to feel His presence and to be reminded of His grace. Is it lame and unpopular? Yep. Would I have giggled at this 10 years ago? You bet ya. But I need it like air these days, people.
When I don’t get the worship time I need, or time studying scripture because I fall fast asleep the moment my head hits the pillow, I need to feed my spirit. Day after day I am faced with challenges. These are the challenges and blessings that He has placed before me. It’s easy to get overwhelmed with the STUFF. Someone is sick, someone forgot his/her backpack, someone was abused, someone is hungry, someone has no heat, someone is being neglected. The list of things I face continues to build, and I have to be able to show up and deliver. And I can’t do that if I am depleted. I am needed. And we are not meant to walk in defeat.
I never needed it until this season of my life. But I do now. I am proud to say that not all days, but some days my husband walks in to see me and the kids breaking it down in the kitchen to Toby Mac while I cook supper. Go ahead and giggle. It is a funny sight. You might see me rocking out at a stop light. And there is a slight chance I will be throwing down some Snoop, because I really do love Snoop. But odds are it will be the Message, or Theway FM, or Christian Family Radio. And I will be loving every second.
I am getting my head on straight for my family, for my students, and for my Redeemer. I need Him. I need to know that I’m not alone, that I am not walking in defeat. It’s easy to get distracted by the ugly and the demands of the day. And I’m just a human. I do it every day. Praise and worship music is my armor. And for the time being, it’s my lifeline.
❤ Shalom