On your last day with the family before the rush of school starts back….you do something. You try to make it meaningful. My husband took off from work, and we decided to go kayaking (my goal, not his).
On the way out of town we stopped for snacks. I took full advantage of having him in tow as I “dashed” into Walmart for supplies And left him in the car with all three children. I was making pretty good progress and time. I was in the napkins aisle and just finishing up the last bit of necessities for a lunch on the river. I turned and saw a face. I’m pretty sure I saw the face once and moved on with my life because I was busy. I had things to do. People were waiting. But then I saw the face again. Underneath a ball cap as I was staring at the (forgive me) plastic utensils 🤭 I saw it again.
I saw the face of the woman who nurtured and loved my husband and I through one of the darkest times of our journey. There she was…standing right by the plastic knives and forks. And her sweet face hadn’t changed. She spoke my name.
When I saw her, for a moment I couldn’t breathe. And then it came. Tears. Tears rushed from my toes, to my heart, and came rushing out of my eyes. I began to sob uncontrollably right there in the napkin aisle at Walmart. All I could say was, “God knew I needed to see your face.”
The truth is I’m struggling. My family is just barely staying afloat. We are in new waters. And I’m not always sure I’m equipped. The very day before I was speaking to my husband about one the last sermons I heard her husband give. I go back to it often. I need to hear it again. Probably weekly. He spoke of the men in the boat in the storm. They looked around for any type of savior. They kept searching and no rescue came. All at once -with no warning- Jesus appeared on the water. He was the last place they looked for comfort. Yet, He was the only One who could offer safety.
As I stood in the napkin aisle at Walmart searching for the last pieces to make our trip successful, I stumbled upon a face. A face that represented the good and glory and never- ending love we are supposed to have, to find. She is not a savior. But her face is a reminder that when we are stranded, destitute, drowning, that we can look for all kinds of answers….many types of saviors. But the only answer is clear. It is sweet. It is gentle. It never fails. Even when we are looking for something different.
She and her husband have since moved into a different chapter of their lives. And so have we. But in so many moments we reach back far into our memories to find the strength that God meant for us through their guidance. The strength He used those people to teach us. But in moments of despair and weakness when we are especially barren- He ever so gently says, “Remember.” Remember where you were, remember that I met you in the storm. And remember that I am faithful. I will meet you. I will be with you. I will be in the storms. I will be in the aisles at Walmart even when you aren’t looking. I will never leave you, no matter how big the task or obstacles seem. I’m there. Always.
I hugged her tightly. Probably longer and harder than I should have. I love her. I love her for what she was and is and what she represents in my journey. I love her for being there. I needed to see her face. I needed to see her face to remind me that the God I had 10 years ago isn’t different than the God I have today. I have changed. My life has changed. But He is always the same.
Maybe it’s me. Maybe my lack of strength or consistency is what is causing me so much anxiety and strife. He sent me that moment. He wanted me to feel covered in love and peace. He hasn’t moved. I have. When the men in the boat were terrified and afraid- they were disciples. They had seen and knew of Jesus’s strength; yet, they immediately looked to another source for safety. It’s definitely me. Not maybe but definitely. I have seen His miracles. I have seen His grace. Yet in the midst of this storm, my first reaction is to look for some foreign savior.
And He was ever so sweetly there. He wasn’t walking on water, but He was there. As I stood in the boat fearing for my survival, purpose , and existence, He was there in the distance. Even when I couldn’t make out His shape and wondered what in the world was coming to save me. It was Him. Right there in the storm. Gently and sweetly gliding across a tumultuous, stormy ocean to save a person or persons whose faith was evidently inadequate.
I believe. I know. But I am sitting here in the knowledge that in this storm as I looked out across that scary ocean my response was the same as the disciples. I saw a ghost, I saw a lot of things coming to save me, all of which were before I saw God. I knew He could. I believed He would, yet I looked for something else. Some other form or being for safety. But there He was in all of His gentleness and mighty, standing right there in front of me atop the unstable waters promising me comfort, stability, safety, and grace.
This very same woman told me once that God breathed the very same breath of life into me as every single person on this planet. Knowing that He created me, breathed life into me, yet I continue to look for another rescuer is sobering.
We look around all day seeing the faults of others. They should have… I can’t believe they.. Yet, I am no different. I know His power and grace. He has delivered my family. He has shown me He is with me. And I still look out upon the stormy waters in search of rescue from something else. She was right. The same God breathed life into every single one of us. I fail. We all fail. And the very best news is that He never fails. He waits patiently for the moment to say, “I’m right here.”
Some of us walk closely with God for our whole journey. Others of us walk closely with Him for a time and slowly move away. When we meet someone who is in despair, do we step back in judgement and cross our arms, or do we lovingly say, “hey, I’ve been there, too” with open arms and a smiling face?
We can rate our discretions. We can say, “well at least I haven’t …..”, but the truth is we all fail. We all at some point look for some other rescue whether it be drugs, alcohol, people, money, or fame. We are all like those disciples. And can we just remember that every breathing human on this planet was created by the same breath of God? And we all need grace. His grace. And we all need to extend that to those around us, even when they don’t look like we think they should. He is calling us to remind our fellows that He is present, close, and ready to rescue us from all despair. It’s our duty. Because if for no other reason, we need someone to do it for us.
❤️ Shalom